@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
