You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
