none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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