i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
