Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
