i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
