I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
