dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
