We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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