just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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