these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
