a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
