i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
