Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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