just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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