Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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