He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
as a side note pls kill me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
