Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
