I just pynch a tree in the face
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
