my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
