You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
