I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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