A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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