I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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