Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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