you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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