You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
