so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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