I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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