Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
