I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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