Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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