Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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