What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
