Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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