I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
