You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
