I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
