halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
