my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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