He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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