just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
