apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
