just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
