Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
