He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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