Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
