After last night, I could never be a politician.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
