So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just had sex bonerless
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
