the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
