You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
