He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
