I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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