Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
