Im at strip club and am horny
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
