that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
