It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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