Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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