I'd wear matching sweaters with you
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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