I love black thongs
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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