Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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