im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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