No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
