So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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