I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
