you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
